Ep194 When It's Your Dog

[00:00:00] Episode 194, when it's your own dog. Oh, this episode is for the owners and the pet pros.

[00:00:06] Why can it be so much harder when it's your own dog? What makes it so different? , there are some extra steps that we need to take when it's our own dogs. We have some blind spots and sometimes we get in our own way, and we're gonna explore more of those blind spots this week. This is the Creating Great Grooming Dog Show. I'm Chrissy Neumyer Smith. I'm a certified professional groomer, a certified behavior consultant for canines, a certified professional dog trainer, a fear-free, certified groomer and trainer, and a master groomer behavior specialist.

[00:00:38] I am also an educator at Whole Pet Grooming Academy and the owner of Happy Critters in Nashua, New Hampshire. And this my friends and colleagues, is the show where we talk about teaching dogs to be good for grooming and other types of care. I want to start this episode by saying that we should expect our pets to have some difficulty with the grooming process.

[00:00:58] That's one of the hard parts when it's our own dog. We should plan ahead for that and be pleasantly surprised if the dog doesn't have any difficulty. Grooming is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and or scary, and we should be expecting dogs to have some difficulty. We should also plan on watching for Calm, comfortable, and cooperative.

[00:01:21] I say that a lot in this show, but this might be the only episode you've listened to, especially where it's really for owners too. I want you to think that the goal is calm, comfortable, and cooperative, and we should be prepared to help the dog remain. Calm, comfortable, and cooperative. We're always working on the dog we have today, not who this dog was last month, last year, or even last week.

[00:01:49] This dog as they are today with today's comfort level or stress level, with today's focus level or distraction level, and be in the moment. Because this moment matters. This moment is important when it's your own dog. It can be really difficult to be objective and to try to see your dog the way a stranger might see your dog, or the way a groomer, a vet, a vet tech, a trainer, or a pet sitter, you know, another person.

[00:02:21] How might another person see your dog and try to step back from some of the assumptions. That we have about our own dog. Do we have a blind spot? Most of the time we do. I still have a couple of blind spots with my own dogs. I think I'm aware of most of them, but I need to check it. I need to check it on a regular basis. Am I seeing my dog objectively or am I seeing Brock and Po? And the dog said, share my house. And sleep in my bedroom. And it can be really tricky. Okay, so try to step back from some of our assumptions and look at our dog the way someone else might.

[00:03:03] And it could be some of our assumptions, some of our blind spots could be things like, he loves this, she knows better. My dog would never we hear that one. My dog would never, is one of the funny ones that we, there's a funny meme in dog training. It's like, as soon as you say, my dog would never, there's your dog.

[00:03:22] Never. Like, you's never, never before, my dog would never, is definitely a blind spot. Here's another one. She's fine. Keep going. These are things that we've all heard and they're blind spots. There. There are times when an owner is. Making some assumptions. Here are a couple others. Maybe you've worked on some problems in the past and your blind spot is that you're still thinking of your dog as who they were in the past.

[00:03:45] Maybe it's she can't do that or he's scared because. Whatever history thing, , or this can't be fixed or another one. We've tried everything and I really feel for you. I know that feeling of I've tried so many things. I have not tried everything, and I have not met anyone who has tried everything. And please don't mean, please don't take that to be frustrating.

[00:04:14] Please take that as there's always something else to try. All right. There's always something else to explore. You have not tried everything. You're not at a dead end, okay? I want you to see that , as something helpful, not frustrating. Now, we know our own dogs well, but I am saying this as someone who works with a lot of dogs.

[00:04:34] Sometimes I see things about a customer or a friend's dog that they just didn't see. Okay. Sometimes I notice discomfort where they saw resistance or stubbornness. That one's really common. , oh, he's just being stubborn, or he's mad, he's ornery. , don't let him get away with that. But I see discomfort because I'm looking at your dog more objectively than you can through your own eyes with your own dog.

[00:05:03] Sometimes I see improvement. I see a dog being a little bit brave or a little bit curious when they still see the scared dog that they wanna protect from the world. That one comes up quite a bit. The no, no, no, he can't be near that. , and honestly, that's part of my blind spot with my own dogs that I have to be very aware of.

[00:05:23] Is my dog actually happy and curious and wants to go over and say hi to that other dog? I mean, I'm not gonna allow PO to go say hi to another dog, but I'm gonna reward him for wanting to, we all have things that we're working on, it's okay to recognize that, Hey, is my dog different than they were before?

[00:05:43] Because ideally, if you're working on it, then you want them to improve, and are you ready to notice improvement? Are you ready to notice if the improvement isn't happening? Okay. So these are some of our blind spots that I think we see pretty often, and I will probably view someone else's dog differently.

[00:06:01] , other people view my dogs differently than I do, and sometimes it's nice to get a second set of eyes. So if you're an owner and your groomer is telling you a story that doesn't seem to be what you expected, talk to them about it. , or maybe ask a friend. Like when he barks at you, when you come over and his tail's wagging like that, he's being friendly, right?

[00:06:20] And your friend might tell you, oh, his face doesn't look friendly at all because you're the owner and you're looking at a tail. You can't see his face comes up pretty often, ask. See if you can get another set of eyes and be more objective. Pretend he's not your dog for a moment, and think about what you actually see.

[00:06:37] , sometimes a dog who is responding to their owner's frustration, anger, fear, excitement, and that owner doesn't realize that they're affecting their dog's behavior. This is something we see quite a bit. So as an owner, you might be really frustrated that, this ear infection isn't going away. And you have to keep giving this ear medication and your dog's behavior can be a reflection of the stress level you are bringing to the party.

[00:07:04] Not that you're cleaning as a party, but, but think about your, your emotions in that moment and part of why they, your dog might be different for somebody else can be, because as a professional, we are probably not going to be as worried about. Some of those things, as you might be, , we might be a little bit more objective like, Hey buddy, this is, this might hurt a little bit.

[00:07:28] Are you okay? You gonna let me do this? Whereas an owner would be, might be like, it's four o'clock, I gotta get this thing done. Why are you acting like this? , and that's true when it's a professional's dog too. With your own family, you're gonna be different. And these pets are our family. I'm gonna be different with my own dogs than I am with somebody else's dogs, , because they live in my house.

[00:07:49] Because I know them so well. Now let's talk about some of these assumptions you may have about your own dog and how do you find your blind spot? It's important for us to know I might have a blind spot, but how do I find it? And let's start with the kind of words we use to describe our own dogs. How do we describe our own dog?

[00:08:10] And maybe it's something like snugly. Or aloof. Maybe it's outgoing or reserved. Maybe it's friendly or unfriendly. Maybe it's patient or impatient. And there are so many ways for us to describe our dogs. But now, and you might wanna go back and write a list later. But now I want you to think about why you picked those words.

[00:08:33] What did you see in your dog that makes that word describe your dog. What does your dog do? If you could take a movie of snugly, what would it look like? What do you see your dog do? How did you come up with these descriptors with these words to describe your dog?

[00:08:56] Now, I want you to think not only why did you pick those words, but now I also want you to think, does this still describe your dog?

[00:09:04] Is this your dog currently, or are these ways that you think of your dog when he was younger? Some of our older dogs that. Not true anymore. Or they're puppies, and we're thinking, oh, this is my dog's character. But then they get to be about seven months old and that dog is quite different, and that's normal because they just hit their adolescent phase and they have less patience than they ever will have and the rest of their life.

[00:09:30] But I want you to think are those words describing the dog that I see today? Next part of this, when we're talking about our blind spot. Do these words describe your dog when something challenging is happening, something challenging, something difficult. Do you describe your dog the same way when, something scary is happening?

[00:09:51] Maybe it's, fireworks, maybe it's thunderstorms. Maybe it's the mail truck going down the street or Amazon or something like that. Are you describing your dog? In all of those circumstances. Because all of those other things probably have a different description, the times that are more difficult.

[00:10:12] . When something challenging is happening, do you describe your dog with those same words when you're trying to put in an eye medication, brush out a mat. When someone's drying your dog with a dryer, if you're trimming nails, do you expect your dog to be a little bit different when faced with something difficult?

[00:10:31] And that's very telling for many of us, and it's a pretty common blind spot. I hear things like she should know better. And I often hear that from an owner who's getting ready to respond in a way that that would punish it. Now I. I'm not big on punishment in grooming, and we'll go over that a little bit, but I want you to think like the idea that she should know better, but this is a response to being in a situation that is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and or scary.

[00:11:01] That's the difficulty with vet visits and grooming is that they are unpleasant, uncomfortable, and or scary. It's a situation that's difficult. Is this a situation that your dog is well prepared for? Have you done any sort of training to help your dog be ready for this? And that's really hard for us as owners to say, wait a minute, I had some responsibilities in this, didn't I?

[00:11:24] Did I or did I just expect that dogs know how to behave for nail trims? And it's okay if you did. Now we know that they don't because most dogs do not just come off the, factory line knowing how to do nail trims and grooming and bed visits. So think about like, oh wait, yeah, this is a different situation.

[00:11:45] This is a difficulty level, and have I prepared my dog well for that? And a situation that's difficult that they aren't prepared well for whatever that might be. And you might be thinking, yeah. Punish that dog. That dog should know better. They can't be allowed to do that, whatever that may be. But here is the tricky part.

[00:12:04] We want calm, comfortable, and cooperative. We want to teach the dog that this process is safe and they can trust us. That is our goal. That's an important goal, and that goal will last their entire lifetime if we're able to do it Now, punishment only works if it's unpleasant, uncomfortable, and or scary, and the dog wants to avoid that punishment in the future.

[00:12:32] That is the only way punishment works. So consider this, embrace yourself. 'cause it might be the first time anyone has described it this way for you. If the problem the dog is experiencing is that they find grooming, vet visits and care unpleasant, uncomfortable, and or scary, does incorporating more unpleasant, uncomfortable, and or scary work toward our goal.

[00:12:56] Does it help that dog calm, comfortable, and cooperative? Does it build trust? Does it help the dog feel safe? And this isn't a judgment call about the use of punishment. This is realistic goal-driven objective questions about punishment in this particular situation, because most of the time it makes it worse when we're teaching about grooming and vet visits and cooperative care, which is cooperating with their care.

[00:13:24] For the dog to work with us, we want to spend our time working toward building success. And a dog who is calm, comfortable, and cooperative, feels safe and trusts us, and we'll talk more in the next part.

[00:13:39] If you're enjoying the show, please remember to follow, to like, to subscribe whatever format you're using. You can find the show on YouTube. You can find the show wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also find it at creating great griming dos.com and please tell a friend. So in this next part we're gonna talk about the idea that, but my dog trusts me.

[00:13:58] I shouldn't have any problems with him. If it's unpleasant, uncomfortable, or scary, my dog should just do what I ask. Now, I hear that a lot and I want you to, to think, have I prepared my dog to do exactly what I ask? In situations that are unpleasant, uncomfortable, and or scary, have I built toward that?

[00:14:20] Have I worked on that? And if I have been working on it and I'm not seeing any progress, do I need to reassess that? Do I need to get another set of eyes? Another set of eyes? That's, it's fine to do so. I hear it a lot and I know we all want a great relationship with our dogs. We all want them to be well behaved.

[00:14:39] We want them to be well adjusted, easy to live with, easy to work with. I mean, really that's, that's what we're hoping for, that's the dream when we get a dog, and sometimes we feel like a failure if it's our own dog who isn't being good for something. Let's explore some of our feelings, because our feelings, , are part of our reactions.

[00:14:59] Sometimes we feel like a failure. Sometimes we feel betrayed, I hear things like, how could he growl at me? I'm his person. Feeling betrayed hurts your feelings. , sometimes we feel embarrassed and we don't wanna admit my dog won't let me do that. Do you think you can get the ear medication in?

[00:15:16] Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. You know, and we don't wanna admit, I don't think my dog's gonna let me do that. Sometimes we're embarrassed, but we should admit it because then we can find solutions for our own dog's issues and for our issues, really. Sometimes we get angry. And that happens a lot too,

[00:15:36] how dare you do that to me? How dare you act like that to me, when we're trying to do something and our dog may be growls or screams or tries to pull away or jumps out of our arms or hides under the bed and won't come out, okay? We might get angry. How dare you act like this? But again, have we prepared our dog well for the thing that we're asking them to do?

[00:16:00] These are all times where we might be taking things personally, but I want you to take a deep breath. Take a deep breath and think about this. What is my dog having difficulty with? My dog is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time. That is a really key piece, okay? If any of those things your dog growls at you or is hiding under the bed and won't come out or won't let you do something, I want you to think this dog is having difficulty.

[00:16:29] How can I help this dog? Am I expecting too much today? Have I prepared my dog for this? Am I doing something that hurts or is physically uncomfortable? What can I do to help my dog have a better experience? I. Now I wanna talk about physically uncomfortable because whenever we're faced with a behavior problem or a behavior we don't want, our first thought should be, is there a physical reason?

[00:16:57] Is there a physical reason why my dog might be acting this way? And it's a tricky spot, especially when it's our own dogs. And there are two topics that we're gonna talk about with physical discomfort. Topic number one is the, I know my dog is fine. I hear that a lot and topic number two is my dog knows I would never hurt him, so it wouldn't matter.

[00:17:18] And we're gonna go over each of those separately. So topic number one. I know my dog is fine and I hear this a lot and I often find things wrong that a dog owner thought this dog was, had no physical problems. It is really common. There are no physical problems. He is fine. He was recently at the vet recently at the vet, could be three months ago.

[00:17:41] Okay. Have you ever caught a cold the week after going to a doctor's office? Just because they were recently at the vet does not mean that they are healthy today. In this moment, this moment matters, but there are a lot of times that I notice things that owners didn't notice. Often that happens with dog groomers.

[00:17:59] We see things. That, that we recognize as abnormal. And I want you to start thinking about that. So maybe I hear my dog is fine, owners will say things like, I saw him jump on the sofa today, so he's not sore. , he can let me hold his leg in this position. He lifts his leg when he pees.

[00:18:17] It's different. To lift your leg up or to have someone lifting your leg up to do stuff. Okay. I would know if my dog was, was sore. , she's just mad that I'm doing this. These are some of our assumptions that sometimes we come into without thinking about the bigger picture, and that's what we're trying to explore here today.

[00:18:34] The bigger picture now as a groomer. Trainer, behavior consultant, former vet tech, my trained eye and nose and nose can detect things that maybe an owner didn't notice. So maybe it's that smell coming from his ear, and that ear may look normal, but I'm gonna say that ear needs to be checked by the vet.

[00:18:54] That smell tells a different story. That smell says something is wrong. , maybe it's the owner who doesn't really notice that their dog only sits leaning on the right hip. Never on their left hit, never in the middle. That could be a habit or that could be soreness that needs to be checked by the vet.

[00:19:13] In fact, often it is some sort of soreness. Maybe it's that I notice something in their mouth, , the gums are a weird color, or there's all sorts of gunk on the teeth, and the owner's like, Nope, he's fine. I'm like, Hmm. There's soreness underneath that. This dog needs to be checked by.

[00:19:28] The vet groomers send dogs to the vet an awful lot. We notice things that owners don't notice, and there have been many times where an owner is like, I had no idea that my dog was sore. Thank you for noticing that, because I brought him to the vet and the vet took some X-rays, or the vet, , looked at his teeth, or the vet looked in his ear and he has an ear infection.

[00:19:48] There are lots of times that a professional would notice something different. We shouldn't assume that there's nothing wrong. Let's really think about it. Is there a physical reason? Maybe this dog has some soreness. Now the other part of that physical discomfort part, the, my dog knows I would never hurt him.

[00:20:07] Uh, it's a beautiful dream, we all want that to be true, but it's not realistic. , let's change that to, my dog knows I would never hurt him to be mean, because as owners, sometimes we have to do things that hurt. . Sometimes we have to do things that are uncomfortable.

[00:20:23] Sometimes we have to do things that are unpleasant, uncomfortable, and or scary, like grooming or vet visits or giving a medication or basically just caring for them. So we have to think about, , the fact that we might hurt our dog, but we want them to trust us anyway. We want them to know that we're doing it for their own good.

[00:20:45] How do we tell a dog that? That's really hard. But if we're working toward calm, comfortable, and cooperative, what happens is, is the dog is not afraid of this process that we've entered into. That's what we want. We want a dog who's relaxed about this, even if it's gonna be a little bit sore. If they kind of go oh and cringe, and we relax them again and try again, and.

[00:21:09] This is really the way to get them to let us do it. And it can be really hard when it's your own dog. You're like, I was so sure my dog had nothing wrong. . And I gotta say, there are times where we're hurting our dogs without knowing it at all. Cannot tell you how many times. Here's a great example. I see people picking their dogs up by their front legs or by their armpits or by their rib cage.

[00:21:33] That is not a human baby. Stop picking your dogs up by their front legs, their armpits or their ribs, please just stop doing that. A lot of puppies will put up with it. And then a lot of the time as a trainer, I hear people saying, well, he doesn't like us picking him up. And that dog's now three or four years old, and I see what they try to do.

[00:21:50] And the dog. I'm like, yeah, he would like you to pick him up. He just doesn't want you to pick him up in a way that hurts. And they're a little bit shocked 'cause they had no idea that that hurts. No support his backend while you lift him up. Don't let his backend dangle. Don't cause any spinal damage.

[00:22:06] Pick 'em up comfortably. Okay. So there are times that we, we do hurt our dogs or we do things that are uncomfortable, unpleasant, or scary. And that's why grooming and vet visits and care at home can be particularly tricky when it's your own dog. When it's your dog, the dog that you love so much and you're like.

[00:22:25] I know this dog, he's fine with this, but they can be really sensitive and sometimes we don't understand why. So step back and pretend it's someone else's dog for a moment, step back and think, what am I really seeing before I assume the worst? And back to grooming and vet visits and care at home, these things can be much harder for a dog who has any sort of soreness, but it's often when we have to work on it.

[00:22:52] . That's often why we're bringing him to the vet. We often have to work with dogs who are sore, and if we can work toward this bigger picture. The big picture of a dog who is calm, comfortable, and cooperative, who's gonna allow us to do these things even if they are sore, that isn't afraid, that trusts us, that is ready to let us do the things.

[00:23:15] And as an owner step back and think about what we're really seeing with our own dogs. If you like the show, please remember to like, subscribe, tell your friends. If you wanna know more about my programs, I do teach the Master Groomer Behavior Specialist Diploma Program at the whole Pet Grooming Academy, and you can find that wholepetnh.com.

[00:23:38] Have a great week. Bye.