Communicating for Pet Care: Finding Common Ground Ep201 

[00:00:00] Chrissy Neumyer Smith: Episode 201. This week we're talking about communicating with people. There's a human end to working with animals. We need to communicate with owners. We need to communicate with our other pet professionals, and if you're an owner, you need to communicate with everybody. So we're gonna talk about how we can best get everyone on the same page tuning in this week.

[00:00:20] This is the Creating Great Grooming Dog Show. I'm Chrissy Neumyer Smith. I'm a master groomer behavior specialist, a certified professional dog trainer, a certified behavior consultant for canines, a certified professional groomer, a fear free, certified professional, and educator at the whole pet grooming Academy.

[00:00:34] And the owner of Happy Critters in Nashua, New Hampshire. And this my friends and colleagues, is the show where we talk about teaching dogs to be good for grooming and other types of care. So let's jump into communicating with people. Now. The first step is we have to think about what our common ground is.

[00:00:53] I have, I have so many times where people are trying to show me how wrong someone else is, and I don't want to get hooked into drama at all. It's but look what someone else is doing, and that's just wrong. The problem is that if we look at other people as if they are just wrong. We may not be seeing the things that we agree on and we're putting up walls.

[00:01:18] We're making people feel like we can't engage in conversations about this topic. And this comes up a lot in the dog training world too. Actually. Dog trainers are so much more vicious than dog groomers are. Dog groomers call each other. Stupid dog trainers are like. Really mean about it. The problem is that we all have this passion for pets and we see things differently.

[00:01:42] So we have to find the common ground so that we can discuss and maybe come up with a third plan. So we have one person's plan and a second person's plan and join together and come up with a third option. And I know I tend to be all, rainbows and sunshine. But that's a choice. That's a choice that I make because you may think that it's crazy that somebody would do something different than what you're doing.

[00:02:08] But I have done a lot of things that I no longer do, and I know if you talked to version of Chrissy back in 86, I would not be inspired by someone telling me how wrong I was. The things that made me change throughout time were when people said, I want to show you another option, or have you considered this?

[00:02:32] And that's what my goal is. Okay. Everybody is welcome to the show. You come on in and listen. Even if you think I'm a crackpot, even if you think, oh my God, cooperative care, it's so lame. That's okay. Join in because you may find that there's one particular dog that you're thinking. I wonder if it would help that one little guy, that one little pup that I can't quite get through to.

[00:02:57] Okay, the way that I find our common ground is, our common ground is that we all care about these dogs and pets, right? We're gonna extend that out to all the pets, right? We care about them. So we need to think about what's in this pet's best interest, and that's where things get a. The conversation needs to happen.

[00:03:21] That's where things get a little dicey, like what's in this pet's best interest? And that's where our discussion points are gonna lie. But someone doing things differently than I might is still doing what they think is in the pet's best interest. Because frankly, you do not work with animals if you don't love them.

[00:03:41] There's really no reason. It's not a get rich quick scheme. It's hard work, it's tiring. And and for the owners out there and the non groomers I'm not sure if you guys out there who aren't groomers know how much neglect groomers see. We see a lot of neglect groomers get really burned out by it.

[00:04:02] And I think that we can be a little bit more sympathetic. So we need to find common ground. We need to recognize that some of the neglect that we as groomers see isn't owner, who doesn't know what's in their pet's best interest. . We have to take this role of how can I educate you more when we're talking to other professionals,

[00:04:21] maybe it's a trainer who's teaching something very different than what we as a groomer feel, we need to meet on our common ground and then discuss our different points of view of what's in the pet's best interest, different points of view. What are our beliefs about this dog's best interest right now?

[00:04:42] Today, right now, in the future. So today, in the future are connected. This moment matters. This pup is learning something in this moment. This cat is learning something in this moment. So we need to find out what our common ground is and then we need to be open to listening to what somebody else's opinion of their pet's best interest.

[00:05:05] We need to be able to listen and not just listen to respond. And that one's tricky. Okay. What's a good example of that? When a whole bunch of kids have their hands up in class while the instructor is actually giving the answer to the question they're asking, but once their hand is up, they're just repeating their question in their own head the whole time, waiting for their turn to ask their question.

[00:05:27] And that's why somebody calls on you and it's I just answered that question. What were you doing? What were you thinking? I was thinking about my question. If we are having a conversation, we need to open ourselves up to the idea that we have to listen to the other side. An advantage that I have is that I have used a lot of methods that I now no longer recommend, and I remember why I used them.

[00:05:51] I remember what brought me there, and I understand why someone would use that. That is a really important thing that we should all be thinking about. If you started off your career working with animals or your first pet purely in the positive reinforcement camp, right? Which doesn't mean that you only use positive reinforcement, that's kind of dog trainer slang for I choose positive reinforcement methods first, versus a balance trainer who might say, but if a good punishment works in the beginning, then let's give that a try. If you started off in the positive reinforcement camp, you may not understand the draw to try a punishment. I started off as a balanced trainer and moved into the positive reinforcement camp, and I understand both sides.

[00:06:35] So we have to find our common ground. We have to be willing to listen when somebody tells us what they think is most important, how what they're doing addresses this pets. Best interest today and in the future. Part of what we need to discuss. Are we addressing discomfort today? Or are we addressing the long term comfort of this dog, short term or long term? And I think we can all agree that all of these things are important, what we need to think about is where we all agree.

[00:07:08] So let's say a dog has mats on them, we can all agree that is uncomfortable today. And something that we should try to resolve mats. If you are an owner or maybe not a dog groomer, you might not know that mats can cause skin problems. Mats are very uncomfortable and it's more than just the way the dog looks.

[00:07:27] Mats can cause all sorts of problems for a dog. They can cause range of motion issues. Sometimes a mat is keeping a leg from moving properly. But mats are a super important thing that we need to address. But do we need to address it? Today if this pet finds that really difficult, that's where we get into our discussion points.

[00:07:49] Let's add another one. Discomfort today. Maybe its toenails are super long, but this is not a medical emergency. Toenails and mats are not a medical emergency for us, and if they are a medical emergency. They do not belong at the dog groomer. The dog groomer should be saying, you should go to your veterinarian.

[00:08:09] This looks like there's a problem underneath this, but addressing discomfort, I think we can all agree that's important. Toenail trims are important. Ear cleaning's, very important. We know that, maintaining ear health is important. Cleaning around the eyes. We know that's important.

[00:08:26] The sanitary area, making sure that these animals can pee and poop properly. These things are really important and we do all agree on that, but if an animal is finding it difficult to allow us to do work in these areas, the question is, are we addressing a short-term goal or a long-term goal? And that's where we have trouble with each other,

[00:08:50] there are people who will at all costs get that mat off. And I'm gonna have to disagree with that. What if we could work on this dog's behavior and get that mat out safely and all of the future mats That might happen, thinking more long term than short term. But each dog, each pet is gonna be different.

[00:09:13] And I need you to think about how we prioritize. Is today the priority or is this dog's lifetime the priority? And if today is the priority, is it because it has reached a medical emergency? I think that if you haven't tried it before, you might not know how much we could get done if we do things in small little pieces and if we do it more frequently, for instance, if one of my dogs needed something done around his eye, maybe I wouldn't do it all at one time if it terrified him, but I might work on it every day and have it done in about four days just by chipping away at it. There are other options. We don't need to hold animals down and get it done today at all costs, because that's how dogs get hurt.

[00:10:07] So we, if we think about it we don't want these dogs to get hurt. That's not cool. So we have to think about are we doing long-term or are we doing short-term goals? What is in this individual's best interest today and what is in the best interest in the future? And trying to balance those out and talking to people.

[00:10:27] Talk to people, it's important. And we'll talk more in the next part.

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[00:10:58] So let's talk about how today's events affect the future. And that's one of the things that we can discuss together when we are collectively trying to figure out what's in the best interest of a pet. Maybe that's multiple owners, a groomer. Maybe it's the business owner of the grooming shop.

[00:11:16] Maybe it's maybe it's a trainer that you're talking to or their veterinarian. But let's talk about like the events today affect the future. So we talked a little bit about things that we can all agree on. Long, long nails. We know that long nails can start to affect the way a dog walks. It can start to affect their foot.

[00:11:35] The way I usually describe it to my owners is that the weight of their body should be on the pads of their feet, and if their nails are too long, what happens is that they start to twist their toes or flatten their toes, and it starts affecting their whole leg and their whole body. It is important to do nails.

[00:11:53] But today's nail trimming experience is going to affect future nail trimming experiences. And nail trimming is something that happens on a regular basis. So do we want to make sure that this dog's future is also secure, not just today. Not just today. So think about the question that we can ask each other and we can discuss, is it worth the fallout if this dog finds this really terrifying, is the problem today that we're solving, is it worth the fallout?

[00:12:31] Is it worth it? If what this dog walks away feeling like that was terrifying, I'm never gonna let them near me again. And I do wanna remind you all. Any of our animals can make themselves totally untouchable if they want to. So don't think that it's just a given that it's gonna be fine. 'cause it might not, that pet may not let you put a muzzle on them ever again.

[00:12:55] Yeah. So think about the things that we can do right now to alleviate whatever that problem is. But trying to stay within that pet's comfort zone to help work toward the future. 'cause today affects the future, we're always planting the seeds of future grooms. So is it worth the fallout? First, is it a medical emergency?

[00:13:18] And if it is, that needs to go to a veterinarian. And hopefully the veterinarian is somebody who's saying, let's make this as stress free as possible, because that's really important. But what if it's not? A medical emergency, should we do it even if the pet is afraid? And this is where for a lot of us, we're gonna have some decisions that we make.

[00:13:42] Because if you don't know other options, you might feel like yeah, I've been there, I've been there. Yeah, of course I need to get this done. What's gonna happen? He's gonna be just as bad if we do it next week, and that was incorrect. That was not quite true because if we work on it a little bit and we work on it a little bit over time, we can make that dog totally fine.

[00:14:11] For most of these things. Most of our pets, a healthy pet can be taught to be a safe pet. Most of them can be taught to be pretty good for this, and maybe they don't love it, that's okay. But if we try to help them be good for it, we can make long term change. So imagine a lifetime of nail trims, which if you're not a groomer, you might not even know how often those should get done.

[00:14:40] My general rule of thumb is about once a month. Once a month for the average dog. So once a month for 15 years is a significant amount of nail trims. And from my point of view, it would be a tremendous waste of time to not spend that time teaching them to be good for it. So what other options do we have to even discuss if you're thinking of course I've gotta get it done.

[00:15:04] What if every month for 15 years, you just were in the feeling that I just gotta get it done. And I see videos again, people try to get me into conflicts, but I see videos where it's it's not like you're gonna be able to change a dog at that age, but we can.

[00:15:21] But we can. So if we are ready to accept the fact that maybe we can make a change, really, even when he is older, even when he is older. Even when he is a senior. Yeah, even when he is a senior. So what are some of the options that we have available to us so we can work on the three C's, we can work on calm, comfortable, and cooperative.

[00:15:43] And grooming smart, which is starting with calm, maintaining calm, acting calm, returning to calm if they get scared, and actively teaching them to be calm, comfortable, and cooperative. So that's one of our options and that's in a bunch of different episodes. We can do small parts of the task. So let's say it's a dog that you are grooming.

[00:16:04] That is really only worried about one little thing. What if we do alright, for example, nails. What if we do one nail and go back to doing something else and come back and do a second nail? Yeah, it's gonna take a while. It's gonna be weird. It's gonna take longer than normal. Nobody's asking you to do that for free.

[00:16:23] You go ahead and you charge them extra time if that's what you needed to do to help make this dog's experience better. But if we can break that task into small parts and have that dog within their comfort zone, learning that this is not scary, then we can build for a future. How cool is that? So think about doing small parts of the task.

[00:16:48] Another example I give pretty often on this show is you do not need to do the head in one fell swoop. I know we like to, as groomers, it's very efficient for us to have our plan and to go about things in a particular order, except if a dog is worried about something and then we can say, this does not serve this dog very well.

[00:17:08] What if I trim around the left eye and then go back to things the dog is comfortable with, and then I trim around the right eye and go back to something the dog is comfortable with? Nobody's saying you have to stop all the whole groom, right? You can stop that part. And go back to something the dog's comfortable with, especially if it's something like they're nervous around their mouth.

[00:17:30] Pretty common one. And I think part of that comes from people grabbing faces in such a way that their whiskers are getting pulled. Whiskers are very sensitive sensory organs. So if we're holding their nose and that's something that they find really difficult, we don't need to do their entire face in one fell swoop.

[00:17:47] So think about the fact that what if I do a little bit of trimming and then go back to brushing his tail? You have plenty of work to do. If this dog is here for full grooming and you have plenty of things you can go back to. What if it's clipping along his rib cage and then you go back, trim a little bit more of his face and go back to slippering, his other side of his rib cage.

[00:18:07] Go back to trimming his face, go back to his tail. We can do small parts and break it up into achievable. Goals, things that this animal can handle. We're always preparing for future grooms, so I want that dog to walk away thinking that wasn't so bad. And also, here's another piece that we can hopefully agree on.

[00:18:28] Know when to say no. I think sometimes we get locked into this idea, and again, if you're not a groomer, you might not know the kind of neglect that we see. Sometimes groomers are being told I don't care. An owner says I don't care. That's part of why I talk about a safety policy. We can talk to them about our safety policy, and then they also have to say that they don't care about their pet's safety.

[00:18:52] And you can tell them, I'm not planning on grooming your dog. Okay? If an owner is not worried about their pet's safety, they're not worried about your safety, they only care about getting it done and making it look beautiful, it's okay to tell them no. I would like them to hear that more often. And sometimes we are getting hustled 'cause we're thinking, oh, somebody's gotta groom this baby.

[00:19:14] What if the next person is really rough? But what they're asking you to do is really rough. Think about that for a minute. 'cause sometimes we're the problem. Sometimes we're the ones saying, oh, all right, I'll do it. It goes against what I believe in. I don't think it's right, but if I can get this mat off of this dog, or if I can get these nails done, or if I can get his around his eyes done, if I can clean those ears, whatever that thing is that this particular dog has trouble with, get around his tail, the base of his tail, get that sani area done.

[00:19:50] Sometimes we get hustled into thinking. But it's either me or somebody else, but it's not, that's an illusion. 'cause we can all say no. We can all tell them I am at high risk of hurting your dog. If I do it the way that you have asked. I don't plan on doing it that way. We can say no. And it sounds really easy, doesn't it?

[00:20:13] So when we talk to our owners, when we talk to other professionals trying to find our common ground, but also letting people know there are some options, I. There are options and that today's events affect the future. It is not as clean and cut as saying oh, we got his nails done today.

[00:20:31] Somebody really needs to work with this dog. And like I said, I, I get called into all sorts of debates and I'm like, I do not wanna be part of this debate. 'cause I can see both sides and sometimes both sides have really valid concerns. And sometimes both sides are missing part of our point. I'm sure plenty of people feel that way when they listen to this show.

[00:20:53] Chrissy, you were so close and that's cool. 'cause you know what? You let me know what you think. I love it when people let me know what they think. I will happily chat with any of you. We can debate it. But what happens is that we have to start thinking about the long term and not just the short term.

[00:21:12] And that's part of what people are finding about this show is that they didn't really think about wait a minute. Am I making this dog feel better about this process that they're going to need done? Their whole life. Their whole life? Okay. And that's a really important piece. This pet is going to have grooming needs for their entire life, the whole thing.

[00:21:36] So we need to make sure that we are helping them achieve that. So if you're enjoying the show, please remember to share it. Go to creating great Grooming dogs.com or anywhere that you listen to podcasts. We're also on YouTube, and if you go to the website, creating Great Grooming dogs.com, once in a while I put up a blog post.

[00:21:55] You can also find the safety policy there it was the first blog post I put up, have a great week. Bye.